09/23/12

Healthy eating on a budget

The #1 question I get from blog readers is

“How do you grocery shop and cook healthy meals on a budget?”

It’s honestly a question I asked myself at the beginning of my own wellness journey. Mostly because I originally fixated on “organic” eating as my only option. Now don’t get me wrong, I try to eat organically, but it’s not always feasible when working with a weekly grocery budget. Organic foods can be more expensive, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to find ways to fit in fresh and healthy meal options into your life.

For years I’ve been shopping at my local farmer’s markets, like Parkesdale Farm, for my produce. Today I made a trip out there with Mr. KKM’s mom and Monica. I spent exactly $9.45 and got all of this:
For less than $10 and I got 2 HUGE avocados, 3 red plums, 3 HUGE sweet potatoes, 4 tomatoes, 8 limes, a bunch of cilantro, a Spanish onion and 2 baking potatoes. That, my friends, is what you call a DEAL. If you don’t have a farmer’s market near by, consider joining a co-op! You’ll have fresh produce delivered to your door every month (or even every week in some cases). Look for a co-op in your neighborhood here.

As for everything else, I’ve never been a “loyal” grocery chain shopper. Here in Florida Publix is one of our biggest chain grocers, and although I do love shopping there (it is a pleasure, after all), it’s not always kind to my wallet. I typically do my shopping on Saturday mornings and will browse the ads to see who’s got the best deals. I’m totally ok with store brands, so couponing has never been my priority as I think many times you can save more money by going generic on most items, receiving equal quality and taste. Now, in a moment, I may lose brand-loyal readers, but I want to introduce you to a little store called Aldi.

Ever heard of Trader Joe’s? (oh, I bet I just got a few swoons and oooo’s and ahhh’s). Well Aldi is their discount chain and parent company. (Yes, it’s true!). When Tampa first got an Aldi, I decided to check it out. I had heard about it’s popularity over in Europe, so I figured I would see what all of the trans-Atlantic hype was about.

I have been HOOKED on Aldi ever since. Calling it a “discount” store is like putting it in the same category as Save-a-Lot or Dollar General, and that should be a crime. Aldi is in a different league all on it’s own.

With impeccably clean stores, specialty items and some of the freshest produce around, there is no doubt that Aldi is in the same family as the infamous Trader Joe’s.

I did my grocery shopping there yesterday, and wanted to share with you what I found. If you’re living on a budget (like me), then you should check out Aldi for all of your healthy meal planning needs. Let’s take a look at what I bought:

Let’s crunch some numbers:

1 gallon skim milk $3.19
ground turkey $1.69 x2= $3.38
black beans $0.59 x2=$1.18
pork tenderloin (1lb) $5.99
shredded part skim cheese $2.79
pecan halves (6oz) $3.99
chicken broth $1.49
baby carrots $0.59
parsley flakes $0.99
basil leaves $0.99
steak seasoning $0.99
diced tomatoes $0.59 x2= $1.18
dozen large eggs $1.39
turkey bacon $1.39
brown rice $1.29
tilapia filets $5.99
sweet potato chips $0.99
total= $37.80

Combine that with my farmer’s market buys and you have a grand total of $47.25!
That’s under $50 for tons of staples that can lead to amazing meals!

In addition to the above goodies, you’ll find things like:

Eating healthy doesn’t have to break your piggy bank. Give Aldi a chance and see what you think!

Do you have any favorite low-cost healthy recipes?
-Steph

09/17/12

Know what you have

**Disclaimer** This post covers sensitive medical and wellness related topics involving breast cancer and preventative reproductive screenings. If you feel uncomfortable discussing or reading about these topics, please skip this post. I won’t be offended because I know you’ll be back! Additionally, I am NOT a medical professional. I am simply a patient giving my opinion on how to be proactive with women’s health issues. Please consult your own physician with any individual medical questions or concerns.

If you’re a regular Orangespoken reader, then you know that I lost my mom to breast cancer back in April of 2012 after a year long fight. Today I had an appointment to meet with my OB/GYN for my yearly well woman checkup; the first since her passing. My priorities were to get my annual screening and to discuss my own breast cancer prevention plan.

I had been dreading this conversation. Mostly because of this ridiculous genetic coding that my family carries that I’ve tried to overcome throughout the years. You see, many members of my family have the “no news is good news” mentality, and would even go so far as to not even visit the doctor for fear of facing the worst. So of course, DNA-engrained worry is a hard thing to shush, but I knew that with my mom’s passing from stage 4 metastatic triple negative carcinoma (the worst case scenario as far as breast cancers are concerned), that I would now be high risk and would need to take a proactive approach to my own prevention, even if it means having a scary and uncomfortable conversation with my OB/GYN.

I’m 33 years old, and have been going to this particular doctor since around the age of 20. Before my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had many reproductive issues and eventually had to endure a full hysterectomy when I was younger. So I have been exposed to the importance of reproductive health for a while now, and have never missed my yearly exam. However, I find it shocking when I hear about other women, my age (and sometimes older!) who have never had a pap smear or breast exam. I can even recall conversations with friends who don’t regularly do self breast exams. I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing the ins and outs your body, so that when and if changes occur, they’re noticeable. Listen, whatever the reason, get over it, because there’s nothing more important than your health. If there’s anything positive that came out of my mother’s passing, it’s that understanding.

I saw my mother suffer through chemotherapy and its side effects, radiation, drains, losing the ability to walk, speak, and eat on her own. There is no preventative screening or checkup that will ever come close to the pain she felt, and anytime I’m scared to make that appointment, I think of her. If you haven’t built a relationship with a doctor or OB/GYN, put that on your priority list asap. Under almost all group health insurance plans, your annual well woman exam will be FREE! No co-pay for preventative care. And if you find yourself without insurance right now, please check out this site for a list of medical facilities in your state which offer well-woman check-ups and screenings for FREE or reduced prices.

Now let’s get down to the basics of these two life-saving checkups. First, the pap-smear, also known as a “well woman exam“. Most primary care physicians will do this exam (which encompasses more than just the pap-smear test), but, depending on your insurance, you can also make an appointment with a OB/GYN outside of your regular doctor’s visits (get with your insurance carrier for details). A regular well woman exam visit only takes 20 minutes, and typically starts off with your vitals, then the removal of all clothes and undergarments (don’t worry, you’ll get a robe), then a breast exam (which we’ll get back to in a second), then the actual pap smear and vaginal (internal & external) exam. Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t exactly a recreational experience, but like I said before, 20 minutes of mild discomfort is worth the information you’ll get about your body from it. If you’re completely new to the pap smear experience, here are some tools you’ll see in the exam room.

Tools used to collect a sample during the pap smear.

Posters that show the inner workings of the woman’s reproductive system and pregnancy.

A light to help the doctor see during the vaginal exam and pap smear.

Stirrups to place your feet on during the vaginal exam and pap smear.

The exam typically starts with the pap smear. A speculum will be inserted into the vagina to open it so that the tissue sample can be gathered using the tools seen on the counter above (long q-tip like tools). The pap smear literally takes under a minute from start to finish if you stay calm and listen to the doctor’s instructions. There is some mild discomfort as they use the speculum to open you up a bit, and a tiny tinge of a temporary pinching feeling as they collect a tissue sample (for about 2 seconds), and then the speculum is removed and the pap smear is over. It really is that simple! Tissue samples will be sent to a lab and if the results come back as abnormal, your doctor will contact you to discuss next steps. Once the pap smear is over, the doctor will examine the inside and outside of the vagina, and other reproductive parts using inserted fingers and pressure applied to the lower stomach area. This exam is painless (unless there is a problem, OR you haven’t emptied your bladder). If after reading this you still have anxiety about this part of the exam, and have put off making your appointment, talk to your doctor about your concerns ahead of time and see what they suggest to help make the situation more comfortable. Remember, it’s a simple and potentially life saving exam that all women should be having annually (or sometimes even bi-annually, at Dr.’s orders).

Now let’s revisit the breast exam. First let me say that if you’re not doing monthly self exams, start now. Get to know the way your breasts feel because believe it or not, you WILL feel bumpy areas, stretch mark textures and the like. Get to know what’s normal for your breasts that way when something changes, you’ll notice it. Here’s a great website that shows you how to do an accurate self breast check up, including the right time of the month to do them and changes to look for. If you’re under the age of 40, your doctor will perform a thorough breast exam that is identical to the one you should be doing at home, so take notice to what they’re doing and ask questions if you don’t understand or want clarification. Nobody should be silent during any medical exam. Ask questions, chat, and become familiar with these procedures so that you’re more educated on both your body and prevention. If you’re over 40, your breast exam will most likely be a mammogram. If you’re younger than 40 and are high risk (like your mother had breast cancer) they may have you do a mammogram earlier than 40. Early detection is key, and I plan on being as proactive as possible now that I’m in a high risk situation.

Was my visit a success? Yes. I have an amazing OB/GYN who took the time to listen to my concerns, and show me proper self breast exam tips today. As she probed about my mother’s illness, I got emotional and fortunately she understood my own anxieties about my future. She also spoke to me about options like sonograms and genetic testing (BRCA-see link below) as other ways to maintain and monitor my breast health. She happens to work specifically with the BRCA testing and gave me her cell phone number if and when I was ready to discuss this option. There really are great doctors still left in the world!

Cancer is a killer. It took my mom from me, as well as grandparents, cousins and friends. The only way we can fight this beast is by being as proactive as possible with our own health. Listen to your bodies. Get checked. Don’t procrastinate. Right now you have the control, not the disease. So do what needs to be done.
Need more information? Check out these resources:

The Importance of a Yearly Pap Smear
Pap and HPV Testing
Early Detection of Breast Cancer
Brac Testing Information

Steph <3

09/16/12

Will you marry me…..Trader Joe’s?

This weekend a group of girlfriends/girlcousins loaded up the truck with coolers and coffees and headed south to Sarasota.

Last week we finally got something that northerners are oh so lucky to have- TRADER JOE’S.

I had been once before, but never actually shopped. I was more than excited to plan this “fieldtrip” and excited to try some specialty items that I’ve seen bloggers and people on the Twitterverse rave about for years. It only took about an hour to get there from Tampa, and only a minute to find a parking! (it WAS packed… we just lucked out). I was even surprised to see carts out front, as I thought they’d be all taken by the time we arrived.

I knew it would be busy, but I had NO idea just how busy.

I really had no rhyme or reason to my shopping, nor did I have a “list”. I figured I’d walk the store 5, or 6 or 20 times and grab as I peruse.

The deals were EVERYWHERE, and I put some items in my cart that I had never even heard of!

YES those are brussel sprouts in my cart. NO I didn’t like them when I made the recipe on the back tonight for dinner!

We all definitely shopped until we dropped.

Chris diving into her honey sesame almonds while waiting in line!

Monica getting the goods down below!

My cousin Chris’ cart! (Gosh, she’s such a wino!)

My cart!

This is Craig. He gave me the inside scoop on the best selling products!

The lines were L-O-N-G, but fast moving. We really only waited about 15 minutes. By the time we had loaded up the coolers and the back seat of the truck, we were beyond ready for lunch. We decided to play tourist and head to St. Armand’s Circle in Sarasota. As we passed the infamous Columbia, we all knew exactly what we needed: SANGRIA!

Their black bean cakes are Ah-may-zing.

So, what WERE my favorite purchases from the almighty JOE?

Shrimp corn dogs (highly recommended from a few bloggers) Lentil Chips Jalapeno cilantro hummus

Frozen edamame! Yummy low carb wraps

A HUGE bottle of EVOO for $6! Lemon kitchen hand soap And….. the best thing I bought a Trader Joe’s…..
the legend…. wait for it… ary….. COOOOOOKIE BUUUUUUTER.

My cousin used this drug to make a no-bake cheesecake this evening that looked something like this:

She doesn’t blog, so hopefully she’ll send me the recipe via carrier pigeon or something. (I mean, how else would you share a recipe other than blogging?) 😉

So. Spill it. Did YOU drive to the new Trader Joe’s like we did? What did you score?
As I try more things that I bought, I’ll add to my list of favs!

-Steph 🙂

09/2/12

Sunday prose: Ode to camping

‘Twas the first night of camping,
And all through the site.
Many creatures were stirring,
Monica was in for a fright.

After saying she’d never,
Step foot in a tent
After begging and pleading
She came with little argument.

Monica and I watched,
Our men set up the camp.
We did help a little,
But they really were the champs.

Once things were all settled,
We went for a swim.
Then sat by the bay
And enjoyed the cool wind.

While we enjoyed the view,
We didn’t realize our fate.
Raccoons got into our tents
And all our food they ate! (well, not ALL).

Thank goodness our subs
Were safely secure
We ate under the stars
Delicious, for sure.

As the blue moon rose,
We started a fire.
We could not predict,
The crazy that would transpire.

When out from the bushes arose such a clatter.
I sprang from my lawn chair to see what was the matter.

When what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But some nosy raccoons and some loud Cubans near.

Those Cubans would party
Until the wee morning hours.
With each passing minute
They grew louder and louder.

As we readied for bed, Tom assured his sweet dear
That those critters weren’t interested and wouldn’t come near.

As we jumped in our tent, the heat hit us hard.
I decided I’d go out and just sleep in the yard.

I’ve got one eye on you, raccoons.

I climbed on the lawn chair, dodging raccoons on the way
Curled up under stars; until the break of day.

And before I fell asleep, I heard someone say from out of sight
“Gente, por favor, callate” and to all a good night!

How was YOUR Labor Day weekend?
See you next time Ft. Desoto Campground!
-Steph

08/13/12

Chevy Go For The Gold Challenge

Sunday was awesome. I had been waiting for this event for a while now, ever since Caroline posted the information on Facebook. I jumped on the opportunity because it really sounded like something that could be a blast!

There were 4 teams and our team was made out of some of my pals and members of the Tampa Bay Lady Bloggers group. Caroline, Genna, Jennifer, Kat and I made up team #TBLB. These ladies are pretty awesome, making this little adventure so much fun. Aside from the details above, we didn’t have a clue what to expect. We did, however, decide to do a sort of “uniform? for our little bloggers team and ended up wearing these, an awesome find by Caroline. Socks rule.

We ended up hitting 3 different locations, each with their own Olympic sport-centered challenge. The best part? We got a sweet ride to take us from place to place (which included a 30 minute drive to Pinellas!)

Oh yes, that’s a Cadillac Escalade. Fully loaded. Ready for the bloggers!

When we got to the starting location, Cinco Soccer, we took some pics, got acquainted, then hit the field for a match up against the other teams that were participating in the challenge as well.

From left to right: Kat, Caroline, Genna, Me & Jenn!

I had never, ever played soccer before, and pretty much just tried to keep the ball moving. It was hard, hot and fun! I have a new appreciation for the game, that’s for sure. 😉 After came lunch sponsored by Fitlife foods. I had the performance chicken wrap with orange wedges that helped to cool me down. Seriously, we were melting out there! Oh, and can’t thank them enough for the ice cold water bottles!

Once we wrapped up lunch, we jumped in the Caddy and hit the road to destination #2. We were totally Big Pimpin’ through the streets of Tampa Bay in this sweet ride. My favorite? The cooling cup holders! Oh, and let’s not forget all the room in the way, way back row. 😉

After lots of Cadillac shenanigans, including wayyy too much social networking (just search #ChevyGoForTheGold hash tag on twitter and get ready to do some eye rolling! Hey, they were giving extra points for it! We had to push it!) we got to location #2 which turned out to be a beach bar equipped with volleyball sand courts for us to get our volley on.

I hadn’t played volleyball probably since 10th grade, which was 5 years ago, so let’s just say I have a few finger bruises to show for my lack of skill. We totally didn’t get creamed though. 21-17! Woot!

We hopped back in the ride, and made our way back across the bridge (tweeting and facebooking all the way) until we arrived at our 3rd location, Stars Gymnastics! I had NO idea what kind of shenanigans we would get into, and I hoped it wouldn’t turn into having trade the caddy for an ambulance.

Once they busted out the ribbons, we knew it was on: floor routines!

We rocked it. Gold medal performance, fo sho.

Our last destination was back at Cinco, where we had to give up our sweet wheels. 🙁 So sad to see it go! Maybe I can convince the man to buy me one for Christmas? 😉

Awards were given out for MVPs of the day (go Caroline for getting the social media MVP prize!).

Oh, and guess which team won 2nd place? Yup. We did. We rule. (well, so does the other team that got 2nd, but hooray for ties!).

I had a BLAST at this event, and can’t wait to do more! Go Chevy! Go Fitlife foods! Go team Tampa Bay Lady Bloggers! Wanna see more? Like GM in the Southeast on Facebook for pics and videos of all of our adventures! Hot damn, I hope they made my bootie look good!

-Steph

08/8/12

A hateful post

I’m watching an episode of Paula Dean right now, and she’s making an orzo salad.

In the beginning, it looked pretty darn yummy. Lots of veggies, Asian seasonings, slivered almonds, chicken breast. Something I could definitely get on board with. Until she added the water chestnuts.

Oh good lawdy water chestnuts. Disgusting!

As much as I preach about my distaste for picky eaters (yet I’m in love with one!), there are some foods on my own personal picky list that turn my stomach. I, for the most part, will try almost anything before declaring official hatred, with the exception of things like insects, or the like. I’m sure little critters have their place in the culinary world, but I won’t be chomping down on chocolate covered grasshoppers anytime soon. All buggin’ aside, here’s my current foodie “hate” list, in no particular order:

10. Water Chestnuts. Yup, the above mentioned corm, or plant stem, is not for me. Although the flavor is pretty mild, I cannot get passed the texture. Please don’t ruin spinach dips with these waxy little plastic tasting discs. Thanks.

9. Corned beef hash. The closest thing to human dog food in my book.

8. Canned soup. I’m not a big fan of soups in general, but canned soups make me want to hurl. Sorry Campbells!

7. Whole milk. Skim, all the way. Maybe 1%, but any more than that is pushing it!

6. Head cheese. I have literally been in line at the Publix deli with some sick bastard ordering this horrible concoction ahead of me and I made the person waiting on me use a different machine for my meat as to not taint it with the nastiness that is head cheese.

5. Cottage cheese. I’ll use it in recipes, but will never voluntarily sit down and eat a bowl of this lumpy white “stuff”. Even with fruit or some other topping. Ick!

4. Pearl onions. Especially jarred. I love onions, but the eyeball-y texture of these little spheres of doom just put me over the edge.

3. Organ meats. My grandparents would speak of the Great Depression and how organ meats (think liver and brain!) would be staples in their households. No, no, no!

2. Star anise. This Cuban cure for stomachaches would give me stomachaches. To this day the smell can cause dangerous levels of Stephnausea (yes, that’s a real word).

1. Brussel sprouts. I attended a private, very strict school for the first three years of my education. One day for lunch brussel sprouts were served. I took one bite of these nasty little smelly green brain shaped balls and spit it out with disgust. I missed recess that day because lunch rules said all children had to clean their plates. Screw that. And don’t tell me how delish they are roasted. Thanks, but no thanks!

So spill it. What’s on your foodie hate list?

07/25/12

Just roll with it

When Chris sent us the ins and outs of the Modelfit workout program, including suggested equipment, a foam roller was on the list. Now when I initially looked at this “thing”, I pictured myself using it as a swim toy. You know, like one of these babies:

Source

Little did I know I’d look a little more like this:

Source

Oh darn.
But all joking aside, I had NO idea what a foam roller was, what it’s used for or even how to start using it. Chris had provided some foam rolling basics, but I’m a visual and kinesthetic learner. I need to see and manipulate something new until I fully grasp the activity. So together, with Chris’s instructions, online demos, 100’s of Youtube videos, and a little playing of my own, I was able to start using the roller successfully! Of course, I’m still learning, but I feel a lot more confident than I was when I first laid eyes on this “thing”. Check out a few of Chris’s workout videos on how he has suggested I use the foam roller:

Mobility routine

Step #1: Foam rolling– Perform 30 full rolls up and down the muscle. Front of leg Side of leg Foot Calf Hip

So what IS foam rolling? Here’s the downlow from Fitsugar.com: Wouldn’t it be nice to end every active week with an intense deep-tissue massage to help ease your muscles? But since we can’t always spring for a trip to the spa, here’s what we can do — use the foam roll at the gym. You may have seen people in the gym foam rolling and think it’s just for serious athletes or gym rats, but that’s not the case. But there are many reasons why massaging out the tight knots in muscles is an important part of your workout routine, even if you already stretch regularly. Why? Because no matter how much you stretch, the build up of fascia that creates muscle knots that won’t go away, which can lead to many different problems. (Read the rest of the article here).

The cool thing about foam rolling is you don’t need to spend a lot of money to get started. Something as simple as a tennis ball can get you on the right track. Amazon.com has great deals on foam rollers of all shapes and sizes if you decide to try your hand at this “new to me” flexibility workout. Beware, however, if you have pets at home. Foam rollers and tennis balls may become toys to the little darlings.

Here are a few other great foam rolling resources to read through:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/exercises/finder/lookup/filter/equipment/id/14/equipment/foam-roll
http://www.nationalthrowscoachesassociation.com/Forms/FoamRoller.pdf
http://www.livestrong.com/physical-therapy-foam-roller/
http://www.sport-fitness-advisor.com/self-myofascial-release.html
http://fitknitchick.com/2011/06/11/hurt-so-good-adventures-in-foam-rolling/
http://www.bradgouthrofitness.com/my-stretching-routine/
http://running-tall.com/home/2012/4/19/why-you-should-be-foam-rolling.html

Do you foam roll? Any advice or success stories you’d like to share? Oh, and would you like to WIN a foam roller of your own? Check out my recipe contest later today for details!

-Steph

*I am not a fitness professional. I just blog about my own fitness adventures! Please chat with your doctor before starting anything physical.

07/21/12

Catch a wave

This is my view for the weekend.

Family is staying over on Indian Shores beach, so Brian , my cousins Chris and Jayle and I packed our bags and set out for a weekend of relaxation at my godmother Laura’s vacation rental house.
We swam, we frolicked; fished, played games, prepped yummy dishes and even the pups came along for the mini-staycation. And there’s still tomorrow! Who knows what we’ll get into.

(If you’re a foodie like me, you must play this game!)

(Look for a post tomorrow on my new Speedo goggles!)

This is my view for the evening. See you tomorrow!

07/19/12

Eat Drink and be Merry

Confession. Wait, everybody already knows about my little love affair with a man named Dave.

And a man named Boyd.
And a man named Carter. Stefan. Jeff. Rashawn. and Tim.

I’ve been a fan of The Dave Matthews Band for a very, long, time. In fact, this was my 11th time seeing the guys. However this time around was special.
1. They took a year off from touring for 20 years straight (well deserved, I guess), so there had been quite the gap between the time I had seen them live.

2. Brian was coming with me, and this was his first big concert! I was totally stoked that DMB had that honor.

After sitting in the grassy area of the Ford Amphitheater 1-800-Ask-Gary Amphitheater (cringe) time and time again (even getting completely drenched one year!), I decided that it would be time for this “grown up” to graduate to actual seats.

(If you’ve never seen a concert here, you MUST!)


(I may, or may not have downed this. Shhhh, don’t tell my trainer).

After much anticipation (an opening band, then 45 minute wait time before the boys took the stage), I was just about ready to crawl out of my skin when the lights dimmed and the stage went dark. The thing that differentiates Dave Matthews Band concerts from other ones I’ve been to (and I’ve been to everything from Garth Brooks to Def Leppard) is the energy from the crowd.

You can feel it rumbling through your bones. It deafens your concentration. It shakes you to your core and changes you as a person. It’s a feeling you would never understand without living it, feeling it, being it.

I love that Dave started with Minarets. I had never experienced it live and so the excitement level was that much greater. I also adored the little nod to Tampa. Although I don’t know if intentional, I like to think that he specifically chose Minarets as an ode to the University of Tampa. 😉

(Source)

From that song on it just got better and better. I heard songs that in all the years of Dave concerts, I had never heard before.

(Source)

He pulled out rarities like The Song that Jane Likes and Halloween, which I was FLOORED by. I can’t believe I got to see Halloween after being years out of the song rotation! What a cool moment that was to hear this song live. Even better news? He transitioned right into Billies, a crowd favorite, and a song that makes anyone want to shake their booties.

And although I’ve heard Lie in Our Graves at almost every Dave concert I’ve attended, each time I’m blown away by Boyd’s (the violinist) performance. There’s one moment of the song where the lyrics fade, and it’s just a man and his fiddle, sizzling away at the strings as he sings with his instrument.
It was sweaty.
It was loud.
It was magical.
It was everything I expected of a Dave Matthews Band concert and more.
And I got to share this with my love.
It doesn’t get any better than this, kids.

Would you not like to be, sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free?
Steph 🙂

06/26/12

Here’s to 33

Hello 33. Nice to see you!
It’s hard to believe I’ve greatly surpassed the 30th mile marker. It seems like I just turned the big 3-0 yesterday. The proverbial time has flown, that’s for sure.

Although my 32nd year was bittersweet, my 33rd year will definitely be something unfamiliar, yet exciting; different yet memorable; empty yet overflowing. I have many amazing things happening in my life right now, and I plan to cherish all of those good moments, while learning to balance upcoming holidays, annual camping trips, and life in general without my mom. I almost feel like this is a 1st birthday of sorts. I feel like I’m learning to live this new life from the very beginning. Life certainly changes in a blink, but takes so much longer to adjust to.

Turtle beach was one of those family camping trips we’d make sure to squeeze in every summer since we discovered the place about 6 years ago. We weren’t able to go last year as my mother was in the middle of her chemo treatments all throughout the summer of 11′, but we were able to rent a small beach house in Indian Shores for a week in late July, so I was able to experience one last summer beach vacation with my mom. She lovedthe beach. The saltwater was in her soul. We were always convinced she was a fish in another life. She was fearless in the water. Scuba diving, water skiing, jet skiing, swimming; you name it, she did it. I remember mom telling stories of when she was learning to scuba dive and getting her certification. She told tales of dark waters, pilings and shadows under the old SkyWay bridge as she braved the depths for a little piece of paper that would take her through amazing adventures exploring coral reefs, lobstering and so much more throughout her life. I always envied my mother’s fearlessness. As many of you know I’m not a fan of deep water. Guess mom’s liquid loving genes weren’t inherited ones!

As my birthday approached, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I didn’t want it to turn into a wallowing session. I’ve always been a HUGE fan of birthdays and didn’t want to lose that spark. I knew my birthday would never be the same, after all, the person who gave birth to me is no longer here. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but I decided that I wanted my mother’s spirit to be there with me on this special day, so I went ahead and booked a weekend at the Turtle Beach Campground, one of her favorite spots in Florida.

Little did I know Ms. Debby would be making an appearance, raining out our trip, but we made the best of it, and lived up the weekend, just as mom would have wanted us to. We fished, played in enormous waves, and ate, drank and were definitely merry (and soaked most of the time).

Walking around the campground and beach brought memories of my mom flooding into my brain. Everywhere I looked, my mother was there. Smells of bacon cooking at campsites made me think of my mother standing there in her swimsuit and black shorts, sunglasses already on, black hair flapping in the sea breeze cooking waffles and bacon on the griddle outside. It’s those memories that I want to hold on to for dear life, which is why I write them down here.

On Saturday night, dad and Brian were pretty exhausted fairly early on in the evening from long hours of fishing and wave jumping and decided to crash early. Just like my mother, I’m usually full of energy, even after a long day. On nights like that, when everyone in the camper would head to bed, my mom and I would stay up until the wee hours of the night playing board games. We’d sit at the dinette table engrossed in Scrabble and Uno until we couldn’t keep our eyes open anymore. I have vivid memories of her sitting across from me in her reading glasses and pajamas, looking down at her Scrabble letters, tapping her nails on the table as she thought of words. I can still hear that tapping. I can still hear her ask me to pour her a glass of chocolate milk. I still have “M vs. S” score sheets of ours saved in my mom’s memory box. I can still see my mom’s mischievous smile when she looked at the score sheet and realized she was winning. As I climbed into bed early that Saturday night, with no one to play games with, I couldn’t help the sobbing. It flowed out like my soul was trying to escape my body. As Brian held me in the bottom bunk bed I couldn’t control my thoughts; I just pictured her at the table and wanted that moment back more than anything else in the world.

We returned home on Monday and had a little get together with my family for cake.

I shared the memory box I made with my family, and knew I would make this a birthday tradition as a way to have my mom’s spirit there with me. I’m lucky to have so many people in my life who care about me. I’m grateful for those family members and friends who made my day special. I appreciate Brian and his family, who have welcomed me into their family as if I had always been there. I consider myself to be a very lucky girl, even though I have an irreplaceable piece missing from my world.

Here’s to 33. Here’s to family. Here’s to friends. Here’s to life. Here’s to love.

Love,

Steph