I uttered these words today on my Facebook page:
“I’m fat! I can’t stay fat!”
Fat. Yup I said it. I’m not scared of the word. I’m not embarrassed to use it as an adjective to describe myself. I’m carrying extra fat, therefore, I’m fat. That doesn’t mean my personality is fat. My goals are fat. The love that I give is fat. My job is fat. It means my body is fat, and I’m doing something to change that.
Now don’t get me wrong. I know everyone’s different. The world is made of many body types, sizes and shapes. But if you think carrying 70-80lbs of extra weight and sporting a size 24 is healthy, you’re wrong. I know we are beautiful on the inside. I know that’s what counts in the grand scheme of things. I don’t think I’m ugly because I’m fat. But I know it’s unhealthy, limiting, and the first thing people notice. I wish I could have climbed that big cargo net at Pretty Muddy, but I was scared of not being able to lift my weight over the top of it. I wish I could have had the confidence to join some of my blogger friends and race along with them, but I would have been the only fat one, so I got muddy through the entire course alone. I had a great time, but I know I would have had more fun with friends.
Being overweight doesn’t stop me from getting out there doing triathlons, 15ks and even playing softball, but I envision myself doing more, in a different body, leading a life filled with so much more.
As many of you know, I started Orange Theory Fitness a little over a week ago. So far I feel stronger, inspired and I’m down 4lbs. I WANT to go workout. There’s something about being with a trainer that just sparks something in me. I worked with a trainer for most of the summer and fall with Peak Fitness. When I lost that opportunity (his schedule changed and he had to work solely out of Lakeland, about 40 minutes from Tampa), I tried to continue on my own, but would be faced with excuses, lack-luster attempts, and failures. Mr. KKM and I continued to work out at our gym, but with nowhere near the intensity and strength we exuded when working with a trainer.
I gained half of the weight I had lost during those training sessions in a mere month. Fatigue set in and pants felt tighter. I found myself frustrated, sad and self-conscious; emotions that were unfortunately not unfamiliar ones. Even as I’m typing this, tears are welling up in my eyes. If you’ve never been in my shoes, overweight, uncomfortable, inflexible, only able to shop plus sized, then it’s difficult for you to understand how I’m feeling, and how I’ve felt for a long time now. I’m always so envious of all of these awesome women I follow on my social media networks who knock out 5 mile runs, hour-long gym workouts or 20 mile bike rides all on their own. I wish I had it in me to go at it alone. Maybe someday I will, when it’s not so hard to lug around all this extra weight.
Joining OTF has been the best decision I have ever made. I have a renewed sense of motivation and want to make those choices that I know make me feel amazing. I’ve missed working in a group setting, with a professional correcting my form, pushing me to do just one more rep, to increase just one more incline. Seeing my heart rate growing and my calorie counts hitting four to five hundred burned is a powerful feeling that I don’t ever want to give up.
In just 7 workouts, I feel a difference.
In just 7 workouts I’ve made friends, and high-fived more people than I’ve ever high-fived in my life.
In just 7 workouts I’ve lost 4lbs.
In just 7 workouts I’ve discovered the joys of My Fitness Pal to make sure I keep track of what goes in my body and don’t waste those burned calories.
In just 7 workouts I’ve realized I’m stronger than I think.
If you’re reading this post today and can relate to any of what I’ve typed, decide today, right now, to do something to change your life. You won’t regret it.