06/24/12

1 year

A year ago today I had dinner with someone.
We ate, watched the Rays game, talked, laughed. It was a perfect first date.

A week later we met again. This time for happy hour.
We stayed out talking, laughing, having a really great time until the wee hours of the night.
We stood in the parking lot, talking, laughing, enjoying each others company until we finally parted ways.
He called me on the way home.
We talked on the phone for hours.
We wanted to see each other again, so we met for breakfast that same morning, where we talked and laughed some more.

On the Sunday before the fourth of July we met for an early Rays game. We met in a parking garage, and rode together to the Trop.
After the game came dinner.
Then coffee.
And just when I thought the night was over, we went to a movie.
We drove back to our cars, and before I knew it, before either of us got out of the truck, we were pulling out of the garage and heading somewhere. Anywhere.
We drove to one of my favorite spots- Davis Island.
We sat by the water, we ran, we watched sailboats, planes, and shared our first kiss.
We hung our legs off the tailgate of my truck for hours and hours; talking, laughing, being together, enjoying each others company until the early hours of the morning.

By the following week, we were inseparable.
By early August came “I Love You”.
The fall brought fun times, memories, and unforgettable moments.
We we raced, vacationed, stargazed, made plans.
We camped, had adventures, and spent time with our families.
He helped with my mom as we took her out to places.
He was caring. He was kind. He was loving. Two people became an us.

December brought a new house, a cat, and new memories.
We painted, cleaned, organized, and decorated.
We had a place of our own, filled with love, ready for new memories.

Spring brought many changes.
Waking up together, building a home,creating a life together.

In April, my heart broke.
He put it back together.

A year ago I met someone special.
A year ago my life changed.
A year ago I didn’t believe in love. I thought I wouldn’t get a second chance.
A year ago I found a best friend, a soul mate, a person that I truly love, and who loves me back, unconditionally, passionately, honestly.

Happy Anniversary to an amazing person. A man I couldn’t imagine life without. A man who showed me what it means to be happy, loved and fulfilled.

I love you times a billion.
-Steph

06/9/12

Race Recap: Spring into summer 5k 2012

And I raaaaaaan, I ran so far a-wa-ay.
And I raaaaaaan, I ran the whole damn thiiiii-iii-ing.

Yup. I actually ran the entire race this morning! I guess I got a little inspired from writing my 2010 Gasparilla 5k recap last night. I know, I know. A little late on the pickup, but I guess back in 2010 blogging wasn’t big on my 2-do list. Gasparilla was my first official 5k race, and the first time I truly felt like a runner. It wasn’t the bling (although I wore it proudly for weeks after), and it wasn’t my finish time. It was the fact that I had run the entire thing without stopping to walk until I had crossed that finish line. Remember, no matter how slow you start off, you’re still lapping everyone on the couch, so be proud of your speed, whatever it is!

I met a few people from my Beginner’s 5k Group for a pre-race dinner at Chipotle. We talked about goals, experiences and had a great time chatting up all things 5k (and dating websites, but that’s for a different post)! We parted ways with the intentions of meeting up at Al Lopez Park; rain or shine!

The alarm went off around 6, but I physically didn’t get out of bed until 6:30. Luckily, we don’t live far from the park, so we made it there only a few minutes passed the time I had scheduled everyone to meet. Eight members of the 5k group committed to doing the race, and all 8 of us showed up ready to cross that finish line! Alyssa, Anna, Brian, Jennifer, Kaley, Nicole, Sarah, and I spent the 45 minutes before the race stretching, warming up and just enjoying the rain-free morning (the first in 4 days!). Some members of the group had never completed a 5k prior to this morning’s race and some of us had a few under our belt already. Even with those differences, we were all there for the same purpose- to say that we did it, to improve our health, and to inspire others into realizing that they can do it too!

We lined up at the (very) small finish line and waited for the gun airhorn. The race only had about 300-400 participants which made for a really nice experience. No major crowds, lots of space on the course, and awesome goodie bags (hello yummy!).

We all started off strong, but eventually I stopped focusing on the group and started concentrating on MY race. I lined up the morning’s goals in my mind and focused on my game plan:
Goal 1- finish (this is ALWAYS goal 1 for me in any race.)
Goal 2- pay attention to my form, my footing, and breathing (and give those Asics out for a real spin!)
Goal 3- cross the finish line in time to cheer on at least 1 of the group members. I feel like I’m always on the other end of the cheering (although there’s nothing wrong with being dead last, I wanted to experience being able to do the cheering for once!)

I had a tinge of calf tightness as I rolled into mile 1, but by mile 1.5, I was loose, feeling good and had a pretty good pace. Occasionally I’d catch up with Brian (who I can hear snoring as I type this) 😉 and then he’d push a little harder and gain some speed, pretty much leaving me in the dust until the next time. I lost sight of most of the girls along the way, but at around mile 2, a woman caught up to my side and began chatting it up about what a great job I was doing, how many races had I done, etc. etc. She literally stayed by my side until the last quarter mile and we talked about everything from Weight Watchers to dog parks- basically keeping my mind occupied through the last leg and really pushing me to finish strong! I don’t know why I always end up talking to people, but sometimes the “luck” comes in handy!

As I crossed the finish line, I had an enormous smile on my face. Not because of my finish time (which wasn’t a PR, but that wasn’t today’s goal anyway), but because I met every single one of my goals:
I finished, I really listened to my body, and I cheered 2 of my meetup members across their own finish lines.

What an amazing group of people! I’m so proud of each and every one of them. Creating this 5k group has created opportunities for new friendships, has given me a way to monitor and motivate me into new fitness adventures, and most important of all, it has been an inspiration to so many people who thought they would never be able to call themselves a 5k finisher!

So- NOW will you be joining us? Don’t put YOUR wellness, YOUR goals and YOUR life on hold any longer. Come and see what we’re all about! 🙂

Steph

06/4/12

Hey Fat Girl

One of the most inspirational bloggers that I’ve come across has been Emmie, from SkinnyEmmie.com. She has lost over 100 pounds and started her journey at 455 pounds! That is an amazing, and VERY brave, feat and I’m so proud to know her through the blogging community. She even completed a 1/2 marathon, which gives me the motivation to know that I can do mine too.

Yesterday Emmie posted about an article she had come across on another blog. The article seriously blew me away, and I knew that I would have to share it here too.

Hey Fat Girl, Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the running track. The one not even wearing sports gear, breathing heavy. You’re slow, you breathe hard and your efforts at moving forward make you cringe. You cling shyly to the furthest corridor, sometimes making larger loops on the gravel ring by the track just so you’re not on it. You sweat so much that your hair is all wet. You rarely stay for more than 20 minutes at a time, and you look exhausted when you leave to go back home. You never talk to anyone. I’ve got something I’d like to say to you. You are awesome.

(Read the entire post).

I can completely relate to this.

I am that Fat Girl.

I was once a Fatter Girl.

(Here I was at my highest weight).

I started my journey 2 years ago at a shocking 368 pounds. I know what it feels like to be out there at the park, or at the gym as a fat girl. I feel like everyone is staring you down with disgust instead of giving you kudos for doing something about the issue. I understand that most of that is nonsense manifested by my own self-consciousness, but it’s still there nonetheless, and at times it’s crippling.

There have been more than one occasion where I’ve almost turned around and gone home. I’ve cried, I’ve hated myself, I’ve been embarrassed, felt defeated, been harassed by passerbys and have had my share of ripped workout pants, stumbles and falls. I’ve developed rashes because my thighs rub together, making my gait look funny and yes, while I’m running my breathing isn’t as dainty other lady runners. But like Emmie and the writer of this post said: for every negative remark, smirk, eye-roll or horn honk, there have been five times as many people in my life who believe in me. They’re out there watching me on the course, holding signs, taking pictures, and telling me that I CAN finish when I feel like quitting.

(Kristin and I at Purplestride 2010)

These people are by my side trying to get healthy right along with me.

(Mr. KKM and I rockin’ it on Bayshore)

(Lindsey and
I crossing the finish line at Tarpon Springs Triathlon, 2010)

They’re with me in the water, on the pavement and in the gym. They’re commenting on my blog posts and encouraging me to keep it up. They’re family, friends, co-workers, blog friends and sometimes complete strangers contacting me via twitter to tell me how awesome I am. For every idiot out there with something negative to say, there are superstars cheering me across my finish lines and patting my back through my successes, and that’s what keeps me going in spite of those who are waiting for me to fail.

What keeps you going? How do you stay positive?

05/27/12

Shrimpin’ ain’t easy

Today was an awesome day.

It started off with an almost 5k on Bayshore with friends, Mr. KKM and Deb, our triathlon trainer. Deb is a plethora of knowledge and gave us some much needed tips on running and walking form, shoes, stretching and more.

After our little jaunt on Bayshore, Mr. KKM and I decided to head to Tampa’s local historic district, Ybor City, for the annual Cuban Sandwich Festival. Tampa is definitely known for it’s Cubans, but everyone claims that they have “the best”. So every year restaurants, cafes, bars and local dives come together for a day of battle offering samples of their version of this ham, pork, salami, Swiss, mustard and pickle Cuban breaded delicacy.

We got to Centennial Park around noon, and let me tell you… we weren’t the only ones that had the idea to check out this festival. The place was PACKED! The line to get into the sampling was over an hour’s wait, and aside from that, there weren’t any vendors actually selling Cubans. We walked around at some of the tents and checked out things for sale, listened to some music, then decided to head across the street and just go buy our own sandwiches at our favorite spot for Cubans- Gaspar’s. We hadn’t eaten anything since our snack of a breakfast before our run, so we were pretty hungry.

So hungry that I failed to take a pic of what we think is the best Cuban until I was almost done with it.
Oops.

Here’s what we think makes a good Cuban:

Chewy and fresh Tampa style Cuban bread (flaky and made with lard).
A few slices of ham. Many places pile ham on their Cubans as cheap “fillers”.
Roasted Cuban pork made with mojo (sour oranges + garlic)
Swiss cheese
Salami (which is optional, but adds a nice wine-y, sour flavor to the sandwich)
Pickles (dill, not sweet!)
Pressed with a little butter on the bread.

Although the guy orders them without pickles, he still thinks that this version of the Cuban reigns supreme, and I agree. Scrumptious to the last crumb. Oh, and if you try Gaspar’s, opt out of fries and get the cinnamon sugar plantain chips that come with the sandwich. You won’t regret it!

We rested up for a few hours before it was time to go shrimpin’! (which ain’t easy).
I’ve done my share of fishing and crabbing, but shrimping was completely new to me. The guy had it all planned: nets, bait buckets, head lamps and beer.

We drank beer, smoked cigars and enjoyed the scenery while we waited for the sun to go down.

(Hottie)

And when the sun finally set, we jumped into the gulf and began searching for little reflective-eyed crustaceans. Apparently, wearing a headlamp makes it possible for us to see their little beady eyes glowing in the water. I totally need to invest in a waterproof camera! Their eyes were really cool, and aside from the shrimp, I caught small crabs, fish, and even a few starfish!

After a few panic attacks (it was quicksand out there!), a pop and squat in the water to pee, avoiding touching them because they flick, a broken bait bucket, and a few falls into the water, I’m proud to say that I caught some!

(See their little glowing eyes?)

Will I do it again? Of course! I had a blast, considering I’m typically ~~deathly afraid of~~ not a fan of water + dark. Now… what to do with the little guys. Shrimp scampi, fried shrimp, grilled shrimp, shrimp pasta. Oh Bubba, the possibilities!

I can’t believe there are still 2 days left of the weekend! What adventures will we get into tomorrow? Come back and see! 🙂

How was your weekend? What’s your favorite shrimp recipe?

05/17/12

Last Dance

I mentioned my mother singing Last Dance at a trip to the fair once when my brother and I were younger. She LOVED Donna Summer, and I’m sad to see that she’s passed.

Maybe, somewhere, somehow, mom will get to meet her and do a duet.

Wouldn’t that rock.

05/14/12

5k misconceptions

As I was looking at some fellow blogger’s websites this evening, I stumbled upon an awesome article dedicated to the misconceptions that many new runners often face. It’s a great read and will definitely clear up any confusions that may pop along the way.

Check it out here!

-Steph

05/13/12

Memories

When I was given the news that my mother only had a short time left to live, I began hoarding anything and everything that reminded me of her. Greeting cards, papers, mementos. Anything really. I collected these things from old boxes, drawers and other storage areas in hopes to keep ahold of as much of my mother I as could. Although I hadn’t even lost her at the time, I knew in my bones that it was coming.

For a few days after my mother’s passing, I was overwhelmed with the “stuff” she owned. You really don’t think about it when someone is alive, but once they’re not physically here anymore, everywhere you look, you see them. From items like jewelry and keepsakes to simple things like contact lens cases and shoes. The person is literally everywhere, and it’s a very final feeling.

I knew I couldn’t keep everything. It would be impossible to. And even though we’ve donated her clothing and have begun to organize at my Dad’s house, Mom is still everywhere. Something as tiny as tube of lipstick sitting in the top drawer in the bathroom is enough to put tears in my eyes. I mean, when someone passes, every remnant of their being is still apparent. It’s a very weird feeling to see her handwriting on scrap papers in her purse, her hair wrapped up around a hairbrush, or frozen foods in the freezer that you know she bought, and know that the person doesn’t exist anymore. I know, I know, she exists in my heart and in memories. I get that. But I’m a science teacher. Of course I find comfort in the memories and the thought that one day we may be reunited again in some realm or aspect. But at the end of the day, you know my mind goes directly to the science side of things. It’s a difficult reality to grasp. I will continue to live my life here on Earth never interacting with my mother on a physical level again. Yes, I see her in my dreams, in my memories and maybe in my future children one day. But it’s not the same. And until someone actually experiences the loss of a parent, especially as young as I did, they will never truly understand how I feel.

As hard as it is to write these emotions down, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to read them. It does help me though. Blogging has become a way for me to express the words I have difficulties expressing verbally. It’s just who I am.

I don’t want to say I dreaded the first Mother’s day without my Mom. I knew that I wanted to make it special. I did not want to stay at home festering in sadness. I originally had plans made with friends and even some family members, but in the end Mr. KKM and I decided to forgo all plans and just enjoy a quiet day together. We ended up going back to bed and sleeping in until almost 10am, then hitting up Lupton’s for one of our favorites: brunch. He then took me shopping, then to a local favorite farmer’s market before we came home at vegged out on the couch for a while watching the Rays game.

While he finished the game, I whipped up a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies from scratch, then invited my brother and dad over for a barbecue. After the burgers we headed out back to the park behind the house for a little early evening Geocaching with the pups, and a little romp by the Hillsborough River. It may have seemed like a laid back typical day, but it was a very special one indeed.

While shopping I stumbled across something I didn’t, at the time, know I was looking for: A memory box.

I took the most special belongings of my mothers, as well as a few common everyday items of hers that I wanted to hold on to, and filled the box with them.

(The Mickey Mouse bag has all of her makeup in it)

(She loved Halloween and attached those Mickey ears to that pumpkin light)

(There’s a picture of us at the bottom, her license, the corks from the champagne and wine we drank after her wake and the last Valentine’s day card she gave me).

I know as time goes on I’ll find more items to put into the box. For now, this is a great start. Before I closed it I placed a pair of my mom’s pajamas inside as well as a pair of the Crocs she loved to wear at the beach and going around town.

I don’t know how often I’ll open up the memory box to look through it, but I’m glad to know it’s there for when I need it. I know that it’s just another tool in my “grieving my mother” toolkit to help me learn to deal. If there’s one thing I know about myself, is that I’m notorious for my “figure it out” attitude. And you know what? Although the loss of my mom is a huge loss, I’ll figure it out as I go along.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. And if you’re missing your mother like I am, I hope you were able to find the silver lining today like I did.

-Steph

05/13/12

A new chapter

There are so many different kinds of Moms. Today, while you celebrate and thank your own Mom, look for ways to bless other Moms around you, too:
Moms who sacrificially gave their baby to adoptive parents
Surrogate Moms
Those whose Moms are no longer with them
Those whose Moms are suffering with Alzheimer’s/dementia
Moms who’ve tragically lost their children
Moms whose children are serving in our military
Moms whose husbands are serving in our military
Single Moms
Moms whose children are suffering with illness
New Moms
Military Moms
Moms waiting to give birth
Women who have filled the role of “Mom” for you

Today is the first Mother’s Day without my mom. Yesterday was an amazing day filled with her spirit and her memory. Today will be the same.
Miss you mom.

05/12/12

Race Recap: Miles for Moffitt

As a teacher and a blogger, I’m usually not at a loss for words, but today I’m feeling like I just cannot sum up the emotion, excitement and pride that I’m feeling after participating in the first annual Jogging for Judy race through Miles for Moffitt.

Today wasn’t about grieving the loss of my mom. Today was about celebrating her life, as if she had been alive, she would have been right there, dressed in orange, chugging along down the course with us. That’s the thing about my mom. If excitement was to be had, she’d either be the one making it, or joining in. My mom taught me how to live, and how to have fun. It’s the one thing I’ll always hold on to.

(My mom at the 2010 Purplestride race- Running for Daryl)

And Miles for Moffitt? Sign us up for 2013. The spirit of Team Judy is alive and strong and you will see us make an appearance in many more races benefiting those fighting cancer. My mom wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am overwhelmed at the amount of family, friends and co-workers who woke up VERY early on an absolutely gorgeous cool May morning to Jog for Judy. I knew we had about 40 runners in total who were signed up to do the race, but when you actually see us all together in one sitting, it’s a sight that brings a smile to my face. All of these people came out because I organized a team. All of these people came out because they loved my mom. All of these people are rockstars in my book.

(I love how the sun peeks through the trees at us overhead. My mom was a burst of energy- a ray of sunshine. I know mom was with us at that moment.)

The 5k race started at around 7:45. Unfortunately, because we were so busy socializing, we missed the official race start. Eventually, at around 8am, our group of chip timed 5k’ers made our way down to the starting line and began. There wasn’t a grand feeling of crossing that line, though. It was more of a “holy crap, I was supposed to take off 15 minutes ago, kind of feeling. Oops!

Either way, we were off. The race course took us around all of the main parts of the University of South Florida Campus. It was shaded, a bit hilly in areas, but otherwise perfect for a race like this. With a PR in mind, I started off strong- maintaining a brisk walk while I warmed up my legs. Remember that whole socializing thing? Yeah, well that took precedence over warming up too. Double oops. Within the first 1/2 mile my legs were burning, but I carried on and rounded past mile 1. I’m always grateful to the volunteers who stand out on the race course passing out water and cheering us along at different points. The Miles for Moffitt volunteers were no exception! If you ever get then opportunity to volunteer for a race, please do! You’ll gain a much better appreciation for what these volunteers do by seeing the race through their eyes.

I began doing more walk/jog intervals, when finally I felt like I was going to give up and just walk the rest of the way. PR or no PR, my post softball legs were achy, and I had just accepted the fact that I would walk it and enjoy the race. That’s when Jay (one of my best pal Meghan’s husband) popped up behind me and told me to pick things up. We caught sight of Mr. KKM and made it a plan to catch up to him since it looked like he was maintaining a good walking pace. It seemed doable, so off we went. I took off one of my ear phones so I could hear Jay’s ~~orders~~ words of encouragement, and before we knew it, I was standing next to my awesome guy (who, by the way, has now completed his 4th 5k!) Jay stayed with us for a while as we continued to set mini-goals and walk/jog throughout mile 2, but eventually he took off to try to catch my brother and other Team Judy members ahead. Mr. KKM and I pretty much stayed together the rest of the race, maintaining a consistent speed (thanks to my playlist!) and pushing each other along they way. As we ended mile 3, I caught a glimpse of the finish line and decided to finish strong. One of my all time favorite U2 songs came on (perfect timing, I swear) and I crossed the finish line during the “Ohhhh, ohhhh, ohhhh, ohhhhhh” moment towards the end of With or Without you.

Goosebumps.

Although I couldn’t hear the cheers, I caught sight of almost 1/2 the team on the sidelines hooting and hollering as I crossed the finish line. It was truly a moment I’ll never forget.

(My brother Jason, me and my dad Rick, remembering my mom Judy at the finish line).

I know this is a tangent, but as I was writing this a mental picture of my mom running down the Fred Howard Park causeway by my side as I wrapped up the last 1/4 mile of my first triathlon, popped into my head. I kind of like to think my mom will always be running by my side in every race from here on out. Maybe it wasn’t the song that gave me goosebumps, but my mom’s presence. Either way, it’s a hope that I’d like to keep in my pocket. A hope that will make me be a better runner, knowing that my mom’s spirit is pushing me through.

After the race about 18 of us hit up the local Cracker Barrel for a much needed refuel. There’s just something about getting together for breakfast after a race that really hits the spot. We chatted and laughed it up at my mom’s favorite breakfast spot, then went our separate ways. It was the perfect ending to an unforgettable morning.

Thank you to everyone who participated, donated, or cheered for Team Judy. It makes me excited to think that there are so many of you out there who I can count on to keep my mom’s spirit alive. Stay tuned for our next adventure: the Making
Strides for Breast Cancer 5k in October! Team Judy will be ready!

Wanna see more pictures? Check out the slideshow below.

Love,

Steph

05/11/12

Race eve!

Nothing gets me more excited than a good ol’ night before a race.
The anticipation is sometimes so strong, it keeps me from sleeping! (good thing we took that 3 hour nap after work!).

I signed up our team over a month ago. Actually, my mom was still alive at the time and got the opportunity to hear all the details and see our shirts before she became incoherent. I’m really glad that I got to tell her about this. I know she will be proud of every single one of us tomorrow, and I hope that every member of Team Judy will be able to feel her presence with them on the course.

Mr. KKM and I grabbed a quick dinner (have you tried Wendy’s new flatbreads? Yum!) then headed over to my dad’s house. We’re spending the night there so we’ll have one less thing to have to worry about in the morning. It’s suggested that racers arrive no later than 7am, as they begin to close the roads around that time. We are planning to get up around 5:30, hopefully giving us enough time to force down some breakfast, figure out a carpooling plan, then make the trek over to USF.

I made the mistake of not using music for my last race, the Gasparilla 15k. I wasn’t going to do that this time around. After tracking down an Iphone charger, I took a nice long look at the huge library of awesome music I have on that ol’ device and built a playlist that I think will be just what I need to go for a PR.

Yes. I said it. PR.

I haven’t actually committed to trying to PR in quite some time. I really couldn’t set a PR for Gasparilla as I had never done a 15k before, but I’m planning to try and complete tomorrow’s 5k in under 45 minutes. My fastest 5k time has been 47:12 at Purplestride 2010. If I can maintain a 15 minute mile at the most, I will definitely be able to come in at 45 or under.

To help me with this goal, I plan to keep up a good pace with some kickass music. Here is tomorrow’s playlist:
Alligator Pie- DMB
American Girl- Tom Petty
Alive with the Glory of Love- Say Anything
Corn Bread- DMB
The Distance- Cake
Dog Days are Over- Florence and the Machine
Empire State of Mind- JayZ and Alicia Keys
Forever- Chris Brown
No Homo- Lonely Island
Perfect Situation- Weezer
Pumped up Kicks- Foster the People
Rumour Has It- Glee
Shiver- Coldplay (my personal favorite!)
Tighten Up- The Black Keys
With or Without You- U2
Fix You- Coldplay
Miracle Drug- U2
My Hero- Foo Fighters (my finish strong song)

For now, it’s bedtime. There will be no PRing if I’m a sleepy girl! See you in the morning!
GO TEAM JUDY!

Steph